[This from Anne Jackson's website -- guest blogger Seth Godin.]

Why is it so difficult to be human?

What does it mean to be human anyway?

A key part of being a real person – a human being – is showing up, especially when it’s difficult, particularly when it’s frightening to do so.

Showing up counts for a lot. Why? Because it’s scarce.

Someone who will comfort you on the phone in the middle of the night, then throw on a bathrobe and drive to your house. That’s precious.

Someone who tells you the truth.

Someone who exposes herself, is present, connected and willing to let you hurt them.

These are the things we seek out as people, and yet we rarely find them. And yet we are rarely willing to be this person.

We built institutions, organizations and religions to make it easy to avoid being this person. The rules and principles and jobs and buildings and code words and admonitions… they all exist to protect us from the truths we’re afraid of and from the interactions we’d rather not have.

They organize us, and organization is a wonderful way to be protected.

We go to work and we hide. We hide behind the religion of our brand or our team or our Dunder-Mifflin employee manual. We go to a foreign country and we play tourist, because actually going there is too difficult, too risky, to exposed.

Showing up counts for a lot.

When we show up, we connect, we make change, we are transparent, and yes, we’re human.

Caring hurts sometimes, and that’s inconvenient.

The good news is that more than ever, value accrues to those that show up, those that make a difference, those that do work that matters.

The good news is that digging deep and fighting that voice that begs us to shut up instead of show up really pays off now, in more ways than we can count.

Faith in yourself, in your friends, in your colleagues and most of all, faith in your ability to impact our future is the best strategy I know.

—-

Seth Godin’s new book LINCHPIN comes out today. It’s about art and gifts and connection and making a difference. And you should really read it because it’s really great

Since I can remember, my grandpa's office was a make-shift playground. After hours and on the weekends, I would sit in his big leather chair and open the top drawer to find an assortment of pens and highlighters that would soon be used to scribble my thoughts on neon post it notes. I attribute my obsession for office supplies to growing up around his fully stocked office.

I was fully prepared to write a blog about how difficult it is to be a 20-something.

Seemingly so many pressures. Countless decisions to be made that may or may not lead us in the right trajectory to be successful 30-somethings. Not to mention feeling like everyone else around us is getting all these opportunities to do what we could only hope to do at some point in our careers.

It's exhausting. And ultimately discouraging if you think about it for too long. But after a few conversations this weekend, I feel more hopeful about the future of my friend's careers. No, not mine, but certainly other people's. And while I hold up hope for them, it may bode me well to follow the advice below for my own internal quarter life crisis:

We are the strivingest people who have ever lived. We are ambitious, time-starved, competitive, distracted. We move at full velocity, yet constantly fear we are not doing enough. Though we live longer than any humans before
us, our lives feel shorter, restless, breathless...

Dear ones, EASE UP. Pump the brakes. Take a step back. Seriously. Take two steps back. Turn off all your electronics and surrender over all your aspirations and do absolutely nothing for a spell. I know, I know – we all need to save the world. But trust me: The world will still need saving tomorrow. In the meantime, you’re going
to have a stroke soon (or cause a stroke in somebody else) if you don’t calm the hell down.

So go take a walk. Or don’t. Consider actually exhaling. Find a body of water and float. Hit a tennis ball against a wall. Tell your colleagues that you’re off meditating (people take meditation seriously, so you’ll be absolved from guilt) and then actually, secretly, nap.

My radical suggestion? Cease participation, if only for one day this year – if only to make sure that we don’t lose forever the rare and vanishing human talent of appreciating ease. Elizabeth Gilbert

I'll admit that my natural response would be, "There are plenty of people in this world taking naps. I, on the other hand, have work to do. You with me?" But lately, I'm kind-of feeling (and hoping) she's right. Would it KILL me to calm the hell down? I mean, really. Would it kill any of us 20-somethings to just exhale for a second and realize we're doing ok ... honestly. We aren't failures.

Maybe we could try and enjoy what we've got now ... because something tells me our idea of "making it" may not be a walk in the park either.

So. Here's to naps and actually breathing ... you know ... the inhaling AND exhaling kind.

I've felt a lot of anxiety over this "first post" of the new year (and 300th post of my blogging existence). There seems to be so much pressure to write something profound given the circumstances, but I think what I've come to is this ...

I've lost the imaginative spirit I once had as a child and I'd like to reclaim it.

We can all agree that proper schooling and societal pressures have caused most of us to forgo colored pencils and opt for spread sheets and mahogany desks. Even some of the bohemians out there feel that their creativity has become stifled by clients who can't seem to catch the vision.

None of this really occurred to me until I watched Avatar.

I know. I know. Another post on movies ... in particular one of the most talked about films of 2009. But hear me out.

As I sat in the theater I found myself, on multiple occasions, completely lost in the world James Cameron and his technologically inclined friends created. I wanted to be there. And for a few moments I was so captivated that I actually thought that world existed.

When I snapped out of it, I was pretty irritated. Not just because I had to face a reality void of floating jelly fish things and surfaces that light up at the touch, but because I haven't (even in the depths of my imagination) come close to an imaginary life like that since I was in grade school. And let's be honest ... even then I usually dreamed of castles, motes and cool dresses.

Even worse, my imagination a few years ago of the life I'd have today was nothing more than a block buster rom-com script in which I would (hopefully) play the leading lady.

I mean, really? Is that honestly the best I could do with a brain capable of so much more? Let me tell you, my life is so much cooler than any Meg Ryan script I dreamed of years ago. So why haven't I unleashed my imagination to the possibilities of what the next few years may look like?

I realized after my Avatar experience, that there is something kind-of deep happening here.
1. I feel guilty for dreaming of too great of a life (or having too great of a life, for that matter) because so many others don't.
2. I don't really believe those things are meant for someone like me ...
3. Even if I let myself go crazy and "dream" ... it doesn't go much farther than the best of what has already been done.

I'm tired of only imagining a life of greater possibility within the confines of what already exists. What if the life I want to create for myself ... a life that lets me be the truest of who I am ... hasn't been created yet? What if it's my job to dream it up ... to imagine it? And to create a space for others to join with me in the process of creating a future full of possibilities that go beyond the genius of Apple's products, Google's workspace and even James Cameron's Avatar ...

I'm a little rusty at this, so it'll definitely take practice, but I'm thinking 2010 will be full of possibilities for me that I've never considered. And even if they don't come into fruition ... I'll at least have a happy place that will keep me hopeful until something does!

Today’s unexpected dreary, rainy and relatively brisk weather provided the perfect platform for me to sit and reflect on the year that has been and the year that is to come.

Nothing significantly earth shattering comes to mind. Other than, of course, the impending changes that are about to take place in my life whether or not I’m prepared.

As I mentioned a few entries ago … major changes needed to be made in my life in order to experience sustainability in the future (and by future I mean … tomorrow). I’ve been bitter and angry for a while … (clarification, since about sophomore year of college) … and while I realized the problem was that I haven’t been comfortable in my own skin since … it never occurred to me that I had the power to change it.

Ok. Ok. I knew I had the power (I'm not a complete idiot), I just didn’t want to admit that I was the problem all along (now THAT'S stupid - and highly inefficient). It was so much easier to point fingers since others were so obviously more ignorant and destructive.

But I’m tired. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of being what everyone else thinks I’m going to be. And most of all, I’m tired of spending most of my days thinking that I’m capable of being a much better human being.

SO. I quit my job. Mainly because I was spending 9 hours a day in a place that fostered my negativity not to mention the 2 hours a day I spent getting there. Not good.

I decided to start my own company. Crazy right? In these bleak economic times little ol’ me thinks she can pay rent and eat off of brilliant branding solutions for other crazies who are also starting businesses in these again, “bleak economic times.” But I started thinking … maybe I’m onto something. Maybe people just need to see that SOMEONE is willing to step out there and start moving things forward. Maybe businesses could use a little boost from an energetic Gen Yer who has some decent ideas and can at least promise to stir things up a bit. Maybe people just need to stop saying business isn't going well and start saying, "we're working on some really innovative ideas that will change the course of our company forever." Maybe. Even if I end up being wrong, I feel it’s worth a try. A little insanity mixed with a drop of hope never hurt anyone.

I've also mentioned spirituality recently. Definitely a focus for the new year. I haven’t completely given up my love for dropping a few cuss words here and there, but I definitely feel more peaceful and arguably less irritable. I know God (particularly Jesus) isn’t for everyone, but He works for me. So I’m going to roll with Him for a while and see how it goes. So far so good.

And probably the most notable. My upcoming nuptials. I’m not gonna lie, life has been a little awkward for me since meeting Mr. Right. I find myself being genuinely … compassionate … lovey … and (gasp) affectionate. He would argue that these things could use a little (a lot of) work still (to which I would agree), but the mere fact that it’s occurring at all is nothing short of a miracle for me. Do you remember my post millions of years ago about being a closet compassionate? Well, I’m more prepared this year to unleash the beast. It isn’t happening overnight folks, but at least I’m being more intentional about embracing it than fighting it. You should be proud.

I think that pretty much sums it up as I watch people cringe with each tiny rain drop here in downtown L.A. Oh the poor tourist look like the apocalypse is coming (raining in L.A.?! That NEVER happens on TV!). All this to say, I’m a little nervous about 2010. Things are going to be a little uncomfortable for me (including perhaps a switch to proper capitalization on my blog), but I’m excited for the challenge. If I think of anything else worth saying before we are thrust into the new year … I’ll be sure to let you know. For now, I’m signing off and wishing you all the best! Ciao!

it's the day after christmas and i realize how much things have changed in the past few years.

dreams are a tough thing. they suck you in ... they completely consume your thoughts and worst of all ... they require risks that make you really uncomfortable and usher every insecurity to the forefront of your being.

dreams, in theory, are freeing. they allude to 'what could be.' they give us space to imagine life as if we were created for something bigger.

but here's the thing with dreams ... they don't always come to be the way we planned. say we happen to muster the courage to actually pursue this abstract thing that we feel so strongly about and then nothing happens. then what? you keep plugging along right? because that's what people do when they believe this dream was meant for them. but then the plugging starts to seem so laborious ... useless. it feels like people who aren't as passionate or even as talented are getting the chance to do exactly what you set out to do (how many years ago now?). you start to lose your momentum ... energy ... hope.

and then it happens. someone contacts you out of nowhere and you have a chance to step into the moment you've been waiting for your entire life. except, now you're unprepared.

dreams are tricky like that. maybe that's what sets everyone a part ... there are people who will always get lucky ... even if they don't deserve it. majority of the population won't even take the first step because the first step is always the hardest and most risky. most of the people who do take the leap will quit right before their moment is presented. and the rest ... well ... they are usually the people who inspire us to dream bigger ... to believe that it's possible. and how did they do it? i'm not really sure because i'm not there yet ... but i have a feeling that they chose to believe in themselves enough to get them through all the road blocks along the way. and when they couldn't believe anymore ... they had someone else doing it for them until they got back on their feet.

dreams. they're messy and absolutely necessary for survival. and if you're lucky, you can con someone else into tagging slong with you. at least that's what i'm learning as i take one more step closer to purusing my own ...

that's one of my goals for 2010 ... integrating generosity.

but where to begin? there's a lot of 'need' around me.

los angeles is filled with it, the places i love across the world are filled with it. and as images fill my mind, the weight of it all leaves me feeling helpless and completely financially drained without even swiping my debit card.

so i went to CNN to check the latest news and divert my attention (because integrating generosity was already overwhelming) and i found an article about teachers. it said they spend, on average, $500 out of pocket each year on classroom supplies.

that seemed wrong to me.

here in california, we're cutting education funding (because that's the best idea our educated government officials could come up with to solve our problem of irresponsible allocation of money).

which caused me to think of my good friend who teaches in one of the most 'underpriveledged' neighborhoods in l.a. if you ask me ... she's a saint who watches her kids live in gang-centered homes on government aid. one of many teachers who have to make sure their students get at least a breakfast bar before beginning class because they come hungry and can't concetrate. she's spending, on average, $500 a year to at least give them a chance.

so i decided i'd try and do what i could. i had big ideas ... like getting everything she could possibly need until i realized i couldn't realistically do that on my own. i wasn't getting very far and was actually feelnig pretty hopeless when a random friend sent me a message asking if she could help.

she posted a flier at her work listing the classroom's wishlist of supplies and snacks and within hours had it covered.

did you get that? covered.

i got a message today saying that donations were still pouring in and that she'd need to meet me this weekend to drop off the first load. ha! load. sure beats the package i had in mind ...

there is nothing more satisfying than knowing how far a little generosity goes. whether it's the time spent putting together the pacakges for each kid, the money to purchase supplies or the donations of an existing surplus ... it changes things. if not for the kids ... for the teacher who needed this one gesture to be reminded that there are people who support her and her efforts to bring hope.

so. 2010 will be full of big changes. but if the result is anything like what happened this week, i think it'll be worth it.

i heard that a lot when i was growing up ... "how is your walk with Jesus, Krysta?" "what has God been telling you lately, sister (from my southern baptist pastor)."

there was a lot of talk about spiritual health. not a lot of listening ... but it was certainly a common topic of conversation in the circles i ran with back home. and i've recently reopened that conversation with myself because i am no longer only responsible for myself. i will have a family in nearly four months that deserves to be healthy ... whole ...

i know i've talked about this a lot, but i've come to quite a cross roads.

i've spent three years trying to do what i didn't do well back home ... love people. which, if i were honest, has not gone as well as hoped because to really love people ... i've found that i need to love God first.

and in keeping with the theme of being honest, i'm not sure i wanted to love God. at least, not in the past few years in the way i had been trained to. wow. trained to. that's actually how i feel about my relationship with God in retrospect. either way ... God and i kind-of kept our distance. i wanted Him in a way that didn't look anything like how He was presented back in the day and i've become a bit emaciated in the process.

in short. i've come to see that God is necessary. that just loving people isn't enough and, arguable, isn't entirely possible without God because well ... there are a lot of really intollerable people out there who make loving very difficult. (especially when you have a low threshold for tolerance ... i know, i know ... working on that)

and i've also noticed that people are hurting. they're making really distructive decisions out of confusion and hopelessness. recently i've felt the world around me has been reflecting this crumbling effect that has been occuring for quite some time in my own soul. and i'm feeling partially responsible for not getting over my fear of being a robotic, judgemental christian and reinventing what a relationship with God looks like - if only for the sake of the people i've been trying so hard to love.

i have a feeling that ... at the end of the day ... people won't deny me friendship with them if i happen to say something about believing in God when they are looking for something ... anything ... to cling to.

first plan of attack: try caring less about proving to the world that christians don't have to be what you think they are (it has proven to be slightly canabalistic)

second: get real with myself and stop depriving my soul of the very thing that it needs to survive.

third: really. just do what i know is right ... for me. then it may not come as a such a shock when i talk about wanting a life that i'm not actively pursuing.

here's to a more balanced ... less anorexic spiritual diet.

i wear myself out.

to the point of undeniable exhaustion.

and often, i don't stop until i collapse.

this week has been one of those weeks (already). and all because i continue making the same mistakes over and over:

failing to filter thoughts in my at verbal communication and failure to deliver them appropriately.

it's pretty consistent, actually. and when something rubs me the wrong way, i lack both the discernment (a.k.a filter) when expressing my thoughts. oh, and that's another issue ... i, quite consistently, feel the need to express my thoughts.

you see. i haven't quite grasped that not everyone involved, holds the same passion for those points of contention as i. and while it's cute that people say, "you always know where you stand with krysta" or "you never have to guess what SHE'S thinking" it points more to my character flaw of pure ... selfishness.

the fact that it appears i care more about being heard (and let's be honest - being right) doesn't bode well for my future relationships (if i have any left post tirades). i'm well aware that this very turrets-like behavior is motivated by an insanely high level of insecurity and self-doubt. i'm also fully aware that my need to "speak up" derives from this inner fear that if i don't, i'll lose a part of who i am.

and that's the disappointing part. there is a piece of me that actually believes being less of a social catastrophy would mean stripping away my identity. and for someone who isn't quite sure who she is yet ... that's kind-of interesting.

my hope is that there will be a breaking point where i realize letting go of all these ridiculous fears is necessary for me to be a less irrational individual. until then ... approach with caution and patience.